Christmas Ponderings

 

 

With the bustle and craziness of Christmas preparations over, finally this morning I have some quiet time to rewind the season in my mind.  I have always loved the day after Christmas, perhaps even more than the day itself -- the work is over, and the memories are there to savor.  This year, the holiday season was less than wonderful.  There were worries and issues that kept me from throwing myself wholeheartedly into the preparations.  However, the house was decorated, gifts purchased and wrapped, food prepared, and joy received from the simple old traditions.

  







 

How lovely the house looks in its Christmas finery each year.  I enjoy the process of finding just the right place for my special decorations.  This year, I placed a trifle dish in the center of my dining room table and filled it with my grandmother's lovely old glass balls, which I remember her gently hanging on her tree each year.  Each time I have looked at my centerpiece, I have been reminded of her loving presence throughout my childhood.

 

One early December afternoon, my sister-in-law came out to decorate a gingerbread house with Emma -- we had time together to talk and relax, and Emma loved the candies and icing.  Later, Alivia and Luke decorated their own gingerbread houses -- how lovely they all looked.

 

We enjoyed an early Sunday dinner with my father-in-law and brother-in-law early in the season -- a quiet afternoon of wine, food, and good conversation.

 

Alivia's other grandmother and I attended a book fair/luncheon at her school -- she wanted me to bring tea sandwiches.  We bought books, ate our special little lunch, and felt fortunate to spend this brief hour together.

 

The week before Christmas was one of illness for my little ones -- stomach bugs and strep infections took their toll; how sad it is when these energetic children are lethargic and unwell.

 

 

We had a lovely deep snow in mid-December, which blanketed our world and made it seem like an old-fashioned Christmas.  Alas, by Christmas Eve, warm rains had washed away much of the snow. 

Christmas Eve dawned clear and cold, and my daughter and I spent the day in the kitchen preparing our contributions to Christmas dinner.  In the late afternoon, we attended the Children's Christmas Service at church, with part of our family -- the sanctuary filled with candles and the voices and talents of children. 

The lights were dimmed and we all held candles as we sang my favorite carol, "Silent Night", in the semi-darkness of a late-December afternoon.  How beautiful!!

On Christmas Day we all gathered at my oldest son's house -- a day of excited children, a beautiful and bountiful table, extended family (four generations of my husband's family), laughter, warmth and love.  By the time we arrived back home in the evening, my body was exhausted, but my heart was full.

And today, I woke with the knowledge that there was no "to-do" list, no schedule, nothing but time to be thankful for the beautiful Christmas we all shared, and to ponder the memories of this December.  Sometimes we are so busy with the details of this blessed holiday, we lose the spirit of the season.  After all the gifts are opened, the meals finished, and the children tucked into bed for the night, we finally have the time to appreciate the true gift of Christmas -- the love of family and friends, and the birth of our Savior on that cold night in that tiny stable in Bethlehem.

 

Watching Garth

I waited with much anticipation for the Garth Brooks special on TV tonight.  He is my all-time favorite performer, and much time has passed since the last time I saw him.  I set the DVR to record and settled into my favorite chair at 9:00.  It was a wonderful show!!

Watching him, and listening to his music brought me back to the happier years when my children were teenagers, and life seemed to stretch before us with endless possibilities.  My house was always filled with the chatter and laughter of my children and their friends, and I found great pleasure in their company.  Country music was very much a part of our lives then -- music videos on the TV much of the day, CD's playing as we drove in the car, concerts -- it is no wonder the music tonight made me nostalgic for those days.

I felt young and free, filled with wonder and hope.  Country music spoke to my heart -- I could hear echoes of my own heartbreaks as well as the resilience of my spirit.  And tonight I felt it all once more.  Thank you, Garth, for the music and the memories!!

Finding Bliss

 

 

The stuffed shells were in the oven, the wine chilling, the broccoli chopped and tossed with olive oil and seasonings, and it was time to set the table.  I chose an ivory lace tablecloth and the Old Country Roses china, put together a small autumn themed centerpiece, and slowly created the table setting.  I love the entire process of making a special dinner for friends or family.  From the planning stage when I choose recipes, through the preparation -- the chopping and stirring and roasting -- to the task of turning a bare wood table into a lovely tablescape, I feel pleasure.  Delicious aromas fill the kitchen, appetizers are arranged and placed, and guests are welcomed -- wine is poured into beautiful glasses, and the process has produced an occasion of good food, warmth and good conversation.

 

I am a "detail" person -- one who receives much pleasure from the planning and execution of a project -- from the process itself.  Yesterday I attended a local craft fair and was reminded of the years when my children were young and I sewed, did needlework, and enjoyed working on various craft projects.  Running the lovely scarves through my fingers yesterday made me long for my knitting needles.  The Christmas wreaths and tree ornaments brought to mind the scent of fresh pine, and the magic worked by my trusty glue gun.  There is a feeling of contentment as we make something beautiful or useful from raw materials. 





 

The holiday season is all about process.  As we decorate our homes, we take our motley accumulation of seasonal pieces and combine them into something lovely.  My little turkey gravy boat holds the place of honor on my sideboard each autumn, surrounded by burnished leaves and small ceramic pumpkins.  How I enjoy rearranging the items until they are in just the right places -- each small piece a complement to the whole.





Flower arranging is another activity where process is as enjoyable as the final result.  I have filled countless hours through the years working with flowers -- cutting the stems, sinking them into vases of fresh water, and then arranging them into centerpieces for holiday dinners or special parties.  How I love the scents and textures as I combine the flowers and greens.  Nothing can compare to the spring pleasure of voluptuous lilacs -- cutting them from the bushes, holding them in my arms, and then arranging them in a vase, their beautiful blossoms spilling as bountifully as a waterfall. 

The world is filled with people who enjoy the process -- craftsmen and artisans, bread bakers, painters, writers -- those whose work brings not just a sense of satisfaction when it is finished, but also joy along the way.  Throughout the years, I have spent many hours doing work that I did not enjoy -- typing, bookkeeping, transcription, and cleaning.  I have worked in offices where I watched the clock move much too slowly all day.  How sad for many of us that we cannot make a living doing the things that bring us pleasure. But, those of us who find our bliss in these small things are fortunate indeed.  How lovely to find pure pleasure as we knead bread, knit scarves, arrange flowers, light candles or polish silver.  We are blessed.








 

Looking Into the Eyes of Poverty

I looked into the eyes of poverty yesterday, and I wish all of those who believe in cutting the safety net programs in this country had been with me.  Please don't go all defensive on me.  I know there are a lot of people who cheat and take advantage of social programs; but, what we need to do, in my opinion, is tighten up our accountability so that these people are not allowed to receive help.  We should not cut the help to those who really need it to survive.

That said, after I got my grandson off the bus yesterday afternoon and his mother came home from work, I went to a local Urgent Care because I realized my cold had turned into a sinus infection, and I didn't want to wait until morning to make an appointment with my doctor.  The Urgent Care didn't open until 5:00, and I arrived at 4:20, so I grabbed a magazine and sat down.  A man came in and sat nearby, and I started a conversation.

We ended up talking for almost an hour, as we waited, and my heart broke as I listened to him.  He is in his mid-sixties, living in subsidized housing, on Medicare and Medicaid, and suffering from COPD.  He is alone, with a little parakeet for company.  He arrived early because the Medicab he called could not bring him at 5:00.  Because he is on Medicaid, the primary care doctors associated with this Urgent Care will not accept him as a patient.  He relies on the ER or Urgent Care for his healthcare needs. 

He is sick and confused about his diagnosis.  The doctors told him he has COPD and some lesions in his lungs -- he is worried that he has cancer, but either did not understand what the doctors told him, or was not told.  He lives in a tiny apartment in our town that costs $645/month and is happy here, but must move to an apartment in the city that is cheaper.  He is worried about moving his parakeet in a cab in cold weather, and really does not want to move back to the city.  He has significant back pain, for which he has been given pain medications, but he worries.

How sad to be old, sick, alone, and poor.  I have no idea what his history is, but I know what his situation is now, and it breaks my heart.  I heard empathy in his words and also regrets, and as I looked into his eyes, I thought, how can we justify destroying the safety net for people like him.  As Congress argues over budget issues, I wish each one of them could look into this man's eyes and realize that for each person who commits welfare fraud, there are several others who are hanging by their fingernails.  What should we do?  Cast out these poor people or offer them a measure of help? 

I hope, as budget negotiations proceed (if they ever really do), the members of Congress who so ardently profess to be Christians will remember the words of Christ:

"Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me"  --  Matthew 25:40

A Society of the Inept

I sit in my chair this morning, snuggled in my warm robe and a warm shawl, holding my coffee mug in my hands for warmth.  I am cold, and I also have a cold which is in its earliest stages of sneezing, teary eyes, and achy sinuses.  Not an auspicious beginning to this Sunday.  My cozy old house is freezing; the only heat source today is an electric radiator.  I have not had a working furnace since August.  At the end of July, our antique furnace finally "cracked", seeping natural gas, so we discovered a new furnace was necessary.  This was not unexpected -- and part of me was glad that we would replace it with a more energy-efficient product, so my astronomical natural gas bill would be lower.  However, on our limited income, the cost of a new furnace would be prohibitive, so I applied for a NYSERDA program which provides subsidies to help finance the cost of energy-efficient improvements.

This process has been a long one -- begun in early August, and due to either ineptitude or negligence on the part of the contractor, has delayed the installation of my furnace until now.  I won't go into the particulars, but in order to participate in the NYSERDA program, you must use one of their specified contractors, and apparently I chose the wrong one.  The process requires an energy audit, a proposal from the contractor, and approval from NYSERDA.  I first spoke with our contractor in mid-August; he never performed the audit until early September, then delayed submitting the proposal so long that it wasn't approved until mid-October.  Finally, last Thursday they arrived with my new furnace, BUT, the estimator had provided scant information, so a great deal of time was lost in the installation, and consequently, on this coldest weekend of October, our house is still stone cold. 

For the past couple of weeks, I have also been frustrated by the customer service at insurance companies.  My husband's Medicare Advantage policy is not covering his MS medication next year; I talked to a representative from the company.  She said we could apply for an exception, which may or may not be granted.  The doctor's office tells me they cannot apply for the exception until after January 1, when the medication is no longer covered, but the deadline to change Medicare policies is mid-December.  So, I am still not certain where we stand on this -- and can't seem to get a straight answer from anyone.

I have also been comparing the policies on the NY Health Exchange, with frustrating calls to the two insurance companies I prefer.  One of the companies told me my doctor was participating; my doctor's office said they were not.  I also had a question about the deductible on one policy -- the representative gave me conflicting information on whether an expensive procedure I need is subject to the deductible.  I called my doctor's office and received rude treatment from the billing office when I asked them to clarify this for me.  I finally made my decision and submitted my application, but still with lingering questions.

These are only the two most recent examples of ineptitude that have disturbed me.  In the last few years we ran our business, and through the process of closing the business down, I was met with constant frustration as I dealt with phone menus that never allowed you to speak with a human, or customer service reps who contradicted themselves, or did not follow through on issues.  Through this process, I also lost all respect for the attorneys I dealt with.

Even on a more minor scale, when ordering fast-food at the counter or the drive-thru, mistakes are made more than half the time. 

What is the problem?  I think it is two-fold.  I believe people are placed in positions for which they lack the intelligence and motivation to perform adequately.  I believe training is substandard in many businesses.  And, sadly, I think our world has become too complicated and too regimented.  Thirty years ago, I could walk into my bank, speak to the manager (who was not moved from branch to branch every few weeks), and resolve any issue quickly.  Now, this personal service does not exist, for the most part.

So, my rant ends here.  My coffee cup is empty, the day ahead is busy, and once again tonight I will sleep in my cold bed, wrapped in a soft throw and snuggled under a sheet, a light blanket, two quilts, and a lovely old afghan I made years ago and threw on top of the bed last night for one extra layer of warmth.  Hopefully tomorrow they will finish my furnace!!!

October Musings

October is a month of transition.  Our world transforms from the heat, sunshine, and abundant harvests of summer to the more gentle beauty of pumpkins, chrysanthemums and falling leaves.  I have always loved the colors of autumn, which last such a short time before the starkness of November is upon us.

My weekends have been full this autumn -- a family gathering at a cousin's lovely home on Helderberg Lake, trips with the grandchildren to gaily decorated farmstands, an afternoon in Saratoga with a dear cousin.  Finally, this weekend is a quiet one -- a time when I can catch my breath, putter in the house and garden, and reminisce a bit.

Halloween decorations are abundant in our neighborhoods now, and I am reminded of the days when my children were young and I devoted so much time to making their holiday special.  We decorated the porch with pumpkins, cornstalks, and a skeleton or two.  I baked pumpkin cookies for school parties, planned parties for our Cub Scouts and Brownie Troops, and sewed costumes. I marvel at the energy I had all those years ago.

Now, my celebrations are of a quieter nature.  I look forward to the church bazaars and estate sales that abound.  I have traded the decorations of Halloween for lovely autumn arrangements inside the house.  I cut my bounty of summer herbs -- parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme, marjoram, basil -- and hang them in my kitchen window to dry.  I savor the falling leaves and the crackling noise they make as I walk along.  Today they were falling quietly all day -- carpeting my yard with their beauty. 

My years of boundless energy and strength are in the past -- I am in the autumn of my life.  But, this, too, is a beautiful time.  While my days are very busy caring for my grandchildren, at the end of the day, I can enjoy a glass of wine, a tasty supper, and a quiet evening.  My weekend pursuits are simple ones -- afternoons with friends, cooking, reading, writing, puttering in the house or the garden.  I am finding this "autumn" season of life every bit as beautiful as the days of October.

Random Thoughts While Simmering

On this official first day of autumn, I stood at the kitchen counter mixing meatballs and forming them in my hands, chopping onions and garlic, snipping herbs, adding crushed tomatoes to the sauteed seasonings, and stirring the rich sauce slowly as it began to simmer gently on the stove -- mindless tasks, which lend themselves to quiet reflection.  I thought I would share some of the random thoughts which passed through my mind as my hands prepared our Sunday supper.

No matter how deeply you love someone, you can’t make them love you if they don’t.

Think before you speak – hurtful words may be forgiven, but they will always be remembered by the person you hurt.

Be quick to forgive, but don’t feel guilty if you can’t forget. 

Children are our future -- more than anything else, they need our love, our attention, and our guidance.  Material things cannot begin to take the place of a parent's consistent presence.

Everyone looks at the world from a different perspective and interprets things differently, based on his own life experiences.   Don't ever presume to know what another is thinking. 

Life isn’t fair – there is a cute little quote that says if we all took our problems and put them in a basket, we would take our own problems back, or something like that.  I don’t believe it.  Everyone has problems, but some people seem to have many more than their share. 

Everyone handles grief and loss in a different way – don’t be judgmental of others as they grieve.  Listen to them and be kind, and remember that we never completely "get over" the loss of loved ones.  The grief just finds its way to a quiet little place in our hearts where it resides forever.

Try to treat everyone with kindness and respect.  Life is sometimes a circle, and the people we thought we would never see again come back into our lives at some point.  Better they remember us for our kindness than our antagonism. 

Sometimes we meet the right person at the wrong time, and there is nothing we can do about it.  We must resign ourselves to holding them in our hearts instead of our arms.

No matter how strong your opinion is on an issue, always be willing to listen to the views of others – this is how we evolve as individuals, and is the basis for compromise in the larger world.

When the stresses and pain of life engulf you, let the rhythms of nature soothe you -- sit by the water, sniff the flowers, listen to the birds, walk along the shoreline, find peace in the gentle rustling of the tall pines --