This morning I took my granddaughter to the Altamont Free Library. She and I both love books and reading, and I wanted to share this warm and cozy library with her. Most of the local suburban libraries are modern and upscale, and this lovely space in an historic train station is smaller and less "techie", and I love it!! She loved it too. As I browsed nearby shelves, I could hear her quietly reading to herself in the soothing children's area. We finally left with several books each, and began the short trip back home.
When you reach my age and have lived in the same town forever, even a short trip causes memories to surface if you are in one of those sadly nostalgic moods. As I travelled these country roads, with Alivia chattering away in the back seat, my mind was seeing myself on these same roads in earlier years. Actually, I can't even remember now why I spent so much time on these backroads, but the emotions followed me on my way today.
While life was never easy for me, there was always a sense of hope -- a feeling that some day life would be happier and less stressful. I was always a "hopeful" person -- choosing to dwell on the brighter aspects of my days. Today, though, the memories of those hopes and dreams that somehow never materialized left me disheartened.
After we arrived back home from our meanderings, Alivia's parents came to pick her up. My afternoon was quiet and I puttered in the house. A light snow dusted the neighborhood, and I went outside to feed the birds, who always flock to the feeders when it snows. I snapped a photo of my tiny pine tree with its coating of powdery snow, and listened to the sparrows who roost in my trellis of ivy. The dusky afternoon slowly soothed my wistful spirit, and I put aside the "might-have-beens" that haunt me. My warm house beckoned, and I went inside to sip a glass of wine as I put together a light Saturday night supper.
On days such as this, when I wrap myself in a shawl of self-pity, I am reminded of a quote from a book I read several years ago.
"...we cause most of our own misery by thinking in "should-be's." There's no use in "should-be's"...We have to find happiness in "what is." -- Lisa Wingate, in Drenched in Light.
Wise words for us all!!