I am snuggled in my cozy chair, wrapped in a soft afghan, with a sleeping dog on my lap, and I am thinking, "I should be doing something!" There is cleaning to be done, laundry waiting, bills that need paying, and yet, I sit here. This long, cold winter has finally defeated me. While I love snow, enough is enough, and today there is a brutally cold wind that catches my breath whenever I try to walk outside. I feel like my energy has deserted me, and yet, I feel guilt that I am sitting here when there is so much I could be doing.
This morning I cut up some assorted vegetables, and my husband placed them outside for the deer, while he fed and watered the birds. A lone little doe (one of my favorites) stopped in for a late morning snack. It broke my heart to see her shaking from the cold as she stood there. Two nights ago, three deer were scrounging the ground for bird seed, so I threw out some apples which they chomped gratefully. The birds have spent much of the day taking turns at the feeder, as the squirrels pick at the seed that drops to the ground below. This is a tough winter for wildlife.
How lazy I feel sitting here this afternoon. I think of the heating bill that will arrive this month, and of the people who cannot afford heating costs or secure shelter. I have a good book to read, and the knowledge that a bit later I will prepare a hot supper of pasta and sauce, veal parmesan, and popovers. I am warm; I do not have to leave the shelter of this solid old house today. I am even more fortunate that the heavy snows that covered parts of New England in this storm spared us. We have merely a couple of inches of new, clean, sparkly snow.
And yet, I miss my garden; I miss sitting on my lovely porch; I miss being able to jump into the car and go somewhere without boots, gloves, and hat. I miss the sizzle of steaks on the grill, and the lovely sight of roses spilling over the trellis. This winter has been an old-fashioned, very beautiful one, but I am cold and lazy and so ready for spring.